Planning A Second Child? How To Decide On When To Have One?

Gone are the days in this country where women were being treated as baby pooping machines. Really made me wonder when we come to know our ancestors had more than 8 or 9 children. Living in a medically advanced era even now the decision about when to plan for a second child is a million-dollar question. I was totally  meh on how women were able to recover post-partum and be pregnant again in few months.

But the fact is infant mortality rate was really high those days I suppose the frequent conception also played a vital part in adding to it. Even if the baby did not survive long, the women were strong enough and were able to recoup and bounce back to normal life after post-partum sooner.

I even remember my colleague telling me that her grandmother and  her mom delivered at the same time in fact on the next bed in the hospital. Result of which her uncle is now the same age as her. A lot of questions cloud up in my mind for which I’m still in search of answers.

So what pushed me to writing about this? Peer pressure? I would not completely agree, but in a way it is. As we all know, India is a place where people always thing ahead:

What are your grades?

Are you taking up engineering or Medicine?
IIT or BITS?
Did you get a job offer?
Are you not going to pursue higher studies abroad?
US or UK?
Have they started looking for alliances?
When are you getting married?
Once you get a job they say when are you getting promoted?
Isn’t It time for you to switch?
Now when married, when are you planning to have a kid?
And finally when you have kid number one, they start asking when are you planning for the second?
May be people should start publishing guides for these questions. Even though our parents enjoy our current state, when people come up with these questions frequently, they start thinking.

Now that, my daughter is one, I already have many asking me the million-dollar question.

And I know that there are many who are in the same situation as me.

This is for all of them.

What are the pros of having a second child?

10 reasons you should give your child a baby brother or sister.

Learning to be selfless

The feeling you get to give everything you have to protect your first child will now be something similar that the child feels when he sees his baby sibling for the first time.

Learning about sharing

When there is another kid at home the child will learn to share a cake or divide TV time. This will come handy when they start going to school.

Resolving problems

Yes, they do fight a lot. We might hate the screams and the noise, but at last it presents the kids a chance to work out things than to sit angrily.

Teamwork

When given a long list of tasks, they learn it’s easier to complete when its split up between them. More the merrier.

Learn from or teach your sibling

There are many things your younger child will learn from the older sibling. Additionally, the elder one will also learn a lot of patience.

Turn to sibling for guidance

As they mature, they tend to reach out to the sibling than to you. It gives them the feeling that, n they have someone to turn to for guidance.

Celebrate with sibling

From a big birthday to graduation or a walk down the aisle, siblings stand by each other’s side through all of life’s treasured moments.

When time gets time, a shoulder to lean on

A bad grade. A broken heart. A wound. No matter the problem, siblings will be there to shoulder each other’s tears.

Growing old with them

Family is forever when friends come and go. Your child will have a blood connection even after you’ve passed away and having a sibling is a surety.

If you still are in doubt regarding the decision, think honestly and ask yourself the below questions.

How Does My Spouse Feel About Having Another Child?
How Will My Child Handle Having a Little Brother or Sister?
Can We Afford to Have Another Baby?
Can We Accommodate Another Child?
How Will Having Another Child Change Our Family?
What’s My Primary Reason for Wanting to Have Another Baby?
From Pregnancy to Middle of the Night Feedings, Am I Ready to Do It All Over Again?
How Will I Feel If I Don’t Have Another Baby?
Do I Really Want to Have Another Child?

Do keep in mind that the gap between kids matters. Just because the man and woman aren’t ready for kids now, doesn’t mean that they might not decide to have any more in the future. It takes a lot of factors into consideration. Especially, mom’s own health. Some might not be fit to have another baby for a year or so after childbirth (which is why doctors advise a minimum of a year before conception again.) The body needs time to recoup and is not a baby pooping machine.

Also considering few moms who may have health, meaning they won’t be able to have any babies in the future. This is a driving factor to conceive right away. We do have the surprise factor- TADA “accidental pregnancies”. As such, spacing between kids is a deeply personal thing that mom and dad should talk about as soon as they decide to have kids.

But the bottom line is an honest answer for the question “Do you want to have another baby?”

A ticking fertility clock, Peer Pressure, trying to save your marriage, boredom may influence you into thinking you want to have a baby. Shred away any outside influences and give yourself a intuitive check. Do you want to have another child?

Note that, there is no right or wrong answer. This is not a contest. Each family is unique. The magical decision to raise one child or a house full of kids is what’s right for you and your family.

#planningababy